The Ultimate Balancing Act

I love my wife. I love her. She’s amazing and an amazing mum to our two. She’s clever, beautiful, youngish; she’s multilingual. So if I want to find things wrong enough with her to complain about I have to try really, really hard. Luckily, I have been able to do …
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Missed Kiss

The other day our newborn son, M and I were in the street outside our apartment block preparing for a nice walk. It seemed, however, as if M wasn’t quite ready to go and he explained this to me by going very red and shouting like fuck. I picked him …
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Bitey McBiteface

When I went to pick S up from his nursery yesterday the girls who work there pulled me aside and explained that someone had *bitten him on the arm but because I didn’t quite understand what they were saying I nodded and said yes and no and todo bien con …
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Today I got shat on. Twice. Not metaphorically. First by the 12 day old. He tricked me by peeing on me first, which made me lower my guard, then he let me have it with a stream of the stuff. We were on the sofa. It’s dark grey so fluorescent …
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Paternity Leave (no. 2) Day 8

We lay awake most of the night afraid that M wasn’t waking up to feed. Ha ha as come the morning he hungrily went at the royal boobs and happily filled himself up. We’re getting sleep so there must be something wrong! That said, S had brought home his second …
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Paternity Leave (no. 2) Day 7

Today we went to buy a pram. That should read, another pram. Our spare room (warehouse) now resembles a closing down sale at Mothercare. Shabby miniature wheeled vehicles stand around redundantish as S walks mostly everywhere now. The new pram, which is actually second hand, fits right in with the …
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Coats and Zips

This week at school the kids have been zipping their coats together. Small groups of them have been drifting around the playground conjoined and giggling. Look, they say to me. We are zipped together.
‘Oh yes,’ I say. ‘That’s clever.’
Look, look.
‘Yes, I see. That’s clever.’
At …
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