Armageddon begins

lines on the pavement

Lockdown 1

We went to the pharmacy downstairs from our flat and joined the perforated queue. When it was our turn and we got to the counter or at least 1.5 metres from it my wife leant towards the pharmacist.

“We’ve both… we’ve both got…” she began as the pharmacist …
 
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Bed

When I first met my wife I got quite a shock (as she is such a beauty obvs.). And when we moved in together and began to share a bed I got another shock but a bit less of one this time. Every morning after I left our bedroom, she …
 
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Pizza

Today as we passed the local beach I was happy to see that the waves were complete shit and by this I mean they were so shit that even I – a crowd-hater of British surfing heritage who would rather surf complete slop aloneish than good waves with anyone else …
 
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Priorities of Care

‘I’m not grumpy,’ she hisses.
‘My mistake,’ I say.

I am astride the porcelain throne flipping idly through apps on my phone. All was quiet when I began but now I can hear something. In truth, I finished my business a while ago but I have decided to take a …
 
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Dummy Versus Hand

He’s crying so hard that I can’t believe he isn’t going to have an aneurysm. We can’t believe he isn’t going to have an aneurysm. It’s we because we’ve been doing shifts to calm this little bomb down for the past hour or so. I’ve actually had a break – …
 
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The Ultimate Balancing Act

I love my wife. I love her. She’s amazing and an amazing mum to our two. She’s clever, beautiful, youngish; she’s multilingual. So if I want to find things wrong enough with her to complain about I have to try really, really hard. Luckily, I have been able to do …
 
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